Saturday, July 21, 2007

Different connotations. It's quite frustrating having to watch what you say because every other word has different connotations. Homonyms frustrate me as well. Yes, these are the words that sound the same but have totally different meanings. We should all walk around with a monitor on our chest to caption every single thing we say. While we're at it, we should have a disclaimer ready in case someone misunderstands our intended rhetoric. Or maybe I should have a sign on me at all times that says, "Not really meant for you." There are times when I write on a topic that may be out of character. Usually, when I do, I write from a neutral person's perspective. Just because I haven't experienced that specific event doesn't mean that I haven't been around those that have and seen the damage. I don't want to have to censor every entry I write because someone might feel insulted. If you feel like my post is directed towards you, it's probably because you're guilty. You should be.

PSALM 27 : 11-12 Teach me thy way, O LORD, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies. Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty. Whom shall I fear? I have so much respect for those who seem like they have every right to be angry at God yet continue to worship him. I heard a minister read this verse at the hospital during my shift the other day. I couldn't help but smile.

With all the recent discoveries of my post-adolescent years standing on the pre-adult plateau, I needed something like that to slap me back into reality. I really shouldn't even take anything to heart because there are those who will continue to "breathe out cruelty" on me. All I can do is take it in stride and give it to Him. It's up to Him as to what the repercussions will be in the long run.

I've always been one to take criticism to heart. I'm so quick to give it, but when it comes back to me, I crawl up into a ball and question myself. Once I've had enough time to do so, that's when I fight back. Re-energized, I'll attack with so much vengeance and resentment, which just makes the situation even worse because all the issues come out at once -- no holds barred. Attacking without much thought.

I can't please everyone. It's such a difficult task to do. All I can do is live life in accordance to how I think it should be lived. Someone always tells me, "You know the difference between right and wrong." I do. It's just difficult when there are those who try to take me down and succeed in doing so by "breaking the rules." It makes me frustrated that they've done something to me while breaking the rules and continue to get away with it. That's when I realized that it's not up to me to judge and punish their acts. It's up to Him. All I can do is believe, toughen up, and take whatever is thrown my way.

I continue to struggle on a daily basis though because of the trials that I've had to go through dealing with forgiveness and learning to overlook hurtful words and actions directed towards me. Slowly, but surely, I've learned to accept things the way they've been dealt to me. With a few cliches learned, nothing is ever quite as it seems, it's easier to forgive than forget, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me, I'm just living life and learning more each day.

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